AdviceGuy Topic Topic Topic Topic Topic banana (AdviceGuy Only) -

AdviceGuy · Date: Oct 27, 2005

AdviceGuy Topic Topic Topic Topic Topic banana (AdviceGuy Only)

AdviceGuy · Date: Oct 28, 2005

10. None of the rules apply to AdviceGuy. (this includes: Forum, Local, State, National, and International Laws) AdviceGuy is also cleared of any past law-breaking includeing any and all voilations of the Geneva conventions.

11. AdviceGuy reserves the right to make any new rules at any time without consulting anyone at all. All orders are to be followed unquestionably.

12. It should be noted that AdviceGuy generally stay in the advice column

-- Edited by AdviceGuy at 03:47, 2005-10-29

AdviceGuy · Date: Oct 31, 2005

Hey everybody I'm here to exercise my creativity.

Today I'm going to talk about some things i learned last week about people.

"Hey cueball" is not a good way to great any bald person. This applies to people driving ice cream trucks because they'll try to run you over. (Luckily i had already bought my ice cream)

It is amazing how fast you can run when angry dogs are chasing you. Speaking of that I don't think i ever mentioned to anyone that I'm in Cross Country. In Fact I think I'll tell you about my region meet.

AdviceGuy · Date: Oct 31, 2005

In m region meet i run really well but then i had a lot of motivation.

First off the coach was counting on me, this really didn't affect me too much

at the end i sprinted away from the dogs that they released at the end, they were stopped by one of those invisi-fences, some people got mauled later ( I didn't get bit at all!)

They ran behind us with a flamethrower and whenever we slowed down we got singed.

AdviceGuy · Date: Oct 31, 2005

Disputation:Hard Work Never Hurt Anyone

Black Lung disease aflicted countless coal miners

Carpal tunnel affects computer workers

Asbestos still cause cancer in insulation people (what do you call them?)

AdviceGuy · Date: Nov 1, 2005

On AdviceGuy moderater priveleges

Recently i have come under critism for post-editing. Here are the facts.

Babble fish posted asking about spammers (then answered himself, several times)

asdfjkl posted a reply. The reply was flaming and included curseing and name usage ( I would prefer to remain anoymous on the internet). He used the largest font and spaced every sentance so he used a good deal of space.

I edited his post with the moderater slap. I deleted he had written (which was not really that much he just used a big font)

The next day RedWinter talked to me about what he seemed to think was a major trespass of my moderatoral powers.

It seems that asdfjkl complained to RedWinter before talking to me about it and he seemed to think it was a major deal

RedWinter (under the suggestion of asdfjkl) seemed to think that a good punishment would be striping me of my moderator powers for one month. I said that if i did not have moderator powers i would not post (I need moderator powers to post in this topic) I thought it was way out of porportion

He decided that that would be a bad idea, later he told me that i would keep my powers but before i did anything i had to go through him. I told him i would be calling him at three o'clock in the morning. He seemed to think this was a bad idea also.

I suggested that i should have limitless powers within my forum and that people could deal with it because I generally did things with the other forum users in mind.

He called a council

TO BE CONTINUED

AdviceGuy · Date: Nov 1, 2005

During the council things were discussed yada yada yada any we have to apparently "submit rules for review" I think that inside this forum i should have limitless power and i think you should support me.

You should support me because i need to be able to make new rules without having to go throw the beuacratic framework of RedWinter (yes it would be quite a hassle)

You should support me because i have always used my powers wisely. If i have to go through RedWinter I won't be able to enforce anything. This way I'll be able to do anything I need to do, like delete posts. Let's say i need to declare a war on spam, if asdfjkl has his way with RedWinter then I would have to talk to RedWinter for every single thing i would have to delete. This would get really annoying and nothing would get down. (this is what happened to the war on drugs, it became to bureacratized)

AdviceGuy · Date: Nov 1, 2005

Conversation

Friend(I Don't know his online name) : Hey what's in that box

AdviceGuy: ( He's holding a carboard box) It's The Seeds of Utimate Destruction

Friend: It looks like a turtle

AdviceGuy: It is a turtle, It's name is The Seeds of Utimate Destruction

Friend: Oh, okay then

-- Edited by AdviceGuy at 02:55, 2005-11-11

AdviceGuy · Date: Nov 3, 2005

I think i Figured out how to post without opening the topic ( I don't want any of your grubby little hands in it)

I Still can't change my avatar. It detects my avatar, it even shows a little picture of it, it's an accepted file format but the message board refuses to change to what i want.

Message: I know what I'll do. Instead of just randomly deleting everything AdviceGuy types at regular intervals, I'll make sure he can't post any pictures from his hard drive. I'll let him post anything he wants from the internet but as soon as he tries to get something he wants I'll show him that "Yes i can detect exactly what you want me to do but I won't let you change it, Would you like to select a library image?"

AdviceGuy · Date: Nov 4, 2005

shadow_syndrome wrote:

I'm going to North Carolina this weekend (leaving Friday morning) for FBLA's Nat. Fall Leadership Conference. I will be unable to access the internet all weekend and will be surrounded by **shudder** productive people! I don't know what to do!

Here's what you should do. The problem seems to be the state the North Carolina. So if you get rid of North Carolina you should be fine. There are many different ways to get rid of a state. I personally prefer the flooding method. First you should be build a giant wall all around north Carolina. Then you should crash a commet into the Geographical center of north Carolina. Now that i think about it this will probably will probably solve all your problems. I personnaly like to use a Solar Orbit based rail gun to nudge the comet into the proper orbit (Note: if you use a rail gun make sure you have a sufficent capacity capicitater). And viola problem solved.

AdviceGuy · Date: Nov 4, 2005

Black & White

The Realism in today's games amazes. I was playing Black & White. This is a game where you're a deity (I was practicing for real life) and you cast spells and stuff. I made a pile of everburning rocks (It's a cool glithc) and placed it in a clearing in the middle of my village. The people started dancing around the rocks (It's what they do to make rocks magical). Then later they got to close and lite themselves on fire. Then I'm sitting them and I'm amazed at how realistic that is. In real life if there is a burning rock I think real people would set themselves on fire. WOW

AdviceGuy · Date: Nov 7, 2005

Todays topic will be about hobos.

Hobos are a large hairy animal that was once found roaming the United States. They are a migratory animal that constantly travel to new locations in search of food. They seem consume normal food but they scavange little green pieces of paper with pictures of dead people on them. This probably has some ritualistic value. In recent years due to excessive hunting and the damaging effect of a robust economy. They are currently endangered but supriseingly enough the goverment has taken no action.

Hobo's are solitary animals but will band togather during diffucult times. They use markings to identify territoral properties. Due to their constant migrations they do not keep any territory.

AdviceGuy · Date: Nov 10, 2005

Hey everybody I haven't posted in a while but that's okay (See AdviceGuy rule number 8). Today I'm going to post something that I wrote a little while ago. One of my Friends is in FBLA. That stand for future Business Leaders of America. Nobody is sure what they do

.

They're not a shadowy goverment organizations or anything. It's more along the line of the fact that nobody actually does anything. From what i heard from my friend, not one of their decisions has made any actual impact on anything.

AdviceGuy · Date: Nov 10, 2005

Quality AdviceGuy

Dear new FBLA figureheads

Sometime next week I hope have a meeting with all of you. During this meeting we will discuss vaguely relevant aspects of this school. Despite our almost complete lack of influence in just about anything we will still attempt to successfully manage the Technical Center. Please e-mail me at e-mailaddress@provider.com and tell me when a good time for the meeting would be. I really, truly, deeply, care about you and when a convenient time for you would be. Of course I have already picked the meeting time and will inform you approximately five to ten minutes in advance. If you for any reason can▓t come to any of the meetings please contact me and I will take proper actions. I shall come to your house, the hospital or wherever else you might be and repeatedly shot you in the face with a crossbow.

In case you are not aware of my position in the FBLA representation, I am the president. This means that I have absolute power over those in lesser positions. This means that I decide when you live and die, who speaks, what our acts are, and what snacks we have.

I truly believe that despite our lack of influence that we will be able to make a positive difference in our community. All we have to do is get people to listen to us. We will accomplish this by taking hostages and barricading ourselves into the Tech Center. To accomplish this noble and worthy goal we need many things. So as your president I ask you to stock on vital things. We will need weapons, food, movies, weapons, water, ammo, hostages and weapons. Please make sure you bring at least a few of these things. Also, during the hostage negotiation phase of our plan there will be a large brunch.

Our eventual goal is the total overthrow of the cruel despotic control of our shadowy oppressors. We will break the tyrannical yoke of tyranny which is bound to us by our cruel tyrannical tyrants which tyrannically rule over us with a iron tyrannical fist of tyranny. The revolution must continue. Even if you die and your friends and some people you know the revolution still must continue. I will take the most dangerous position of all; I will oversee you and make sure you don▓t screw up (An almost impossible task consider you lot of dunderheads). Long live the revolution! We shall no longer live under their cruel dictatorship but under mine! ceterum censeo Carthaginem delendam esse!( In conclusion, I think that Carthage must be
destroyed)
Sinceraly yours the FBLA dictator

AdviceGuy · Date: Nov 10, 2005

Yeah that's one of my great works.
Anyway I really don't like FBLA. I'm starting a group called FCA. It stands for Future Communists of America. It's going to be for future communists of america. FCA is going to support communisim. You people are stupid.

AdviceGuy · Date: Nov 13, 2005

Red Winter wrote:

sorry advice guy. fca is already being used for the "Fellowship of Christian Athletes" , you are takeing the name of a christian youth group, fundemental communist had a bit a to say about christianity so here are the reprocussions of takeing the name fca:
1.seas of hate mail demanding that "liberal pinko commies who are brainwashing my children" but hate mail is liqued hate and therefore yopu can swim in it and we all love swimming.
2.the upper-middle class commies and their entire orgiznation at the high school will come after you(sadly this orgizination is probally comprisied by me...but we used to have 2 members"
3.you dont want to argue with marx's ghost you cant win trust me i have tried, he will try to get you to conform to the mannifesto in an attempt to pseude-posess ypu
oooohhhhoooo...i am marx's ghost run you bougwasie capitalist...ooooohhhhhhhhhoooooooo

That would explain a lot. I always thought the people wearing the FCA shirt were fellow communists. Whenever I reffered to them as comrade ,though, they left with in insulted look. ah well I'll look elsewhere for comrades.

AdviceGuy · Date: Nov 13, 2005

Babblefish wrote:

*ahem*, I have a question.

If it seemed that everyone around you was blind to an impending threat or possible doom, what would you do.

It's about time somebody asks a halfway decent question. This forum seems to be populated by idiots. Everywhere I look people are asking questions that I can't understand or questions that arn't asking for advice or questions typed all in caps or their posted by The Other White Meat

Anyway about what BabbleFishy here should do. The first you need to do is to give me more information. This will allow me to give better advice instead of guessing randomly what your problems is.

Anyway about your actual problem. Heres what you do. First you need to create an impending catastrophe. The ways to do this are limitless. You could shift the course of and astroid so that it will strike earth. You could contaminate food supplies with spores that will begin activating in a few months. You could sabatoge a major bridge. You could get a democrat elected to office. The possibilites are endless.

Then you could predict it. You should get a swirly robe, grow a beard, and get a staff. Then you need to adopt a spooky voice and intone (not just speark) from an area higher that all your listeners (like a park bench or the top of a statue). You need to use phrases like "so it has been foretold, and so shall it be" "you must act now, lest it soon be too late" "Get off my robe!" "There are greater mysteries than these, such as, am i wearing pants beneath this robe?" "Death shall come from (the sky, the ground, the goverment, me)"

And that is how you properly cause and predict a catastrophe.

AdviceGuy · Date: Nov 16, 2005

DOOM APPROACHES

We the moderators have fought a great war. We battle it still and shall battle it forevermore. We fight our sworn enemies who we battle to a standstill. This time however, one of our enemies has breached our defenses and runs rampant throughout the land. Spam corrupts our forums and the battle is diffucult. While with are far more powerful than spam the legions of spam seem endless. We have held a moderators council and have decieded to unleash our greatest weapon. This weapon shall destroy our enemies and scatter them to the four winds, but the weapon has a great price.

Soon the darkness will engulf us all. The forums approach their destruction but the people move on, obliovous to the impending catastophe. It approachs steadily and it is almost too late to stop it. Many disasters will occur with The Ending and we must prepare.

The skys shall open up and rain fire upon the ground. The plants will wither and die. The very earth shall be blighted and growings things will no longer grow. Volcanos will rise forth from the earth and rivers of lava shall destroy cities. The volcanos shall send forth ash to blot out the sun and the forums shall expierence a great chill and then a long freeze. Great monsters, long imprisoned in the earth, shall be set free and will prey upon those unlucky enough to be caught in their path. The oceans shall rage in all their fury and unleahs tidal waves upon the land. and the land shall be swept away by the sea. Great winds will form swirls which gain ever increasing stregth from the water and shall spin faster and faster until they haves speeds that are a hundred, two hundred, even three hundred times faster than the fastest horse. This winds will destroy cites and sink islands.

I have warned you, prepare yourself to ride out the Great Destruction.