AdviceGuy Topic Topic Topic Topic Bananananananananananams

Hey everyone, how are you doing? This is my Forum Subsection. banana. I am the moderator and that means I get to set down the rules.

1. AdviceGuy is the most important person on this Forum. This is the most important rule on the forum

2. AdviceGuy can do no wrong. If he post it's genius, if he doesn't then it's a subtle message on consumerism or whatever the topic is. (see rule number 4)

3. You do not demand AdviceGuy's help. You beseech him for it. If he helps you, then he's awesome, if he doesn't then you are unworthy. (See Rule 9)

4. This forum is a Pants-Free zone. Pants-Free!

5. No complaining about AdviceGuy. Ever. That was not a sentence fragment. You just didn't understand the subtle meaning. (See Rule 9)

6. If you're not sure about something then just ask yourself what AdviceGuy would do. If your not sure what AdviceGuy would do use one of my role models, like Darth Vader, or Genghis Khan.

7. Breaking these rules will cause you to get moderator slapped

8. AdviceGuy Posts when AdviceGuy wants to post. Deal with it
10. None of the rules apply to AdviceGuy. (This includes: Forum, Local, State, National, and International Laws) AdviceGuy is also cleared of any past law-breaking including any and all violations of the Geneva conventions.

11. AdviceGuy reserves the right to make any new rules at any time without consulting anyone at all. All orders are to be followed unquestionably.

12. It should be noted that AdviceGuy generally stays in the advice column

Hey everybody I'm here to exercise my creativity.
Today I'm going to talk about some things i learned last week about people.
"Hey cueball" is not a good way to great any bald person. This applies to people driving ice cream trucks because they'll try to run you over. (Luckily I had already bought my ice cream)
It is amazing how fast you can run when angry dogs are chasing you. Speaking of that I don't think I ever mentioned to anyone that I'm in Cross Country. In Fact I think I'll tell you about my region meet.
In my region meet I ran really well but then I had a lot of motivation.
∙ First off the coach was counting on me, this really didn't affect me too much
∙ at the end I sprinted away from the dogs that they released at the end, they were stopped by one of those invisi-fences, some people got mauled later ( I didn't get bit at all!)
∙ They ran behind us with a flamethrower and whenever we slowed down we got singed.




Disputation: Hard Work Never Hurt Anyone

Black Lung disease afflicted countless coal miners
Carpal tunnel affects computer workers
Asbestos still cause cancer in insulation people (what do you call them?)



On AdviceGuy moderator privileges

Recently i have come under criticism for post-editing. Here are the facts.
∙
Babble fish posted asking about spammers (then answered himself, several times)
∙
Asdfjkl posted a reply. The reply was flaming and included cursing and name usage (I would prefer to remain anonymous on the internet). He used the largest font and spaced every sentence so he used a good deal of space.
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I edited his post with the moderator slap. I deleted he had written (which was not really that much he just used a big font)
∙
The next day RedWinter talked to me about what he seemed to think was a major trespass of my moderatoral powers.
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It seems that asdfjkl complained to RedWinter before talking to me about it and he seemed to think it was a major deal
∙
RedWinter (under the suggestion of asdfjkl) seemed to think that a good punishment would be striping me of my moderator powers for one month. I said that if I did not have moderator powers I would not post (I need moderator powers to post in this topic) I thought it was way out of proportion

∙
He decided that that would be a bad idea, later he told me that I would keep my powers but before I did anything I had to go through him. I told him I would be calling him at three o'clock in the morning. He seemed to think this was a bad idea also.
∙
I suggested that I should have limitless powers within my forum and that people could deal with it because I generally did things with the other forum users in mind.
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He called a council

∙ During the council things were discussed yada yada yada any we have to apparently "submit rules for review" I think that inside this forum I should have limitless power and I think you should support me.

You should support me because I need to be able to make new rules without having to go throw the bureaucratic framework of RedWinter (yes it would be quite a hassle)

You should support me because i have always used my powers wisely. If i have to go through RedWinter I won't be able to enforce anything. This way I'll be able to do anything I need to do, like delete posts. Let's say i need to declare a war on spam, if asdfjkl has his way with RedWinter then I would have to talk to RedWinter for every single thing I would have to delete. This would get really annoying and nothing would get down. (This is what happened to the war on drugs, it became to bureaucratized)

Friend(I Don't know his online name) : Hey what's in that box
AdviceGuy: (He▓s holding a cardboard box) It's The Seeds of Ultimate Destruction
Friend: It looks like a turtle

AdviceGuy: It is a turtle; its name is The Seeds of Ultimate Destruction
Friend: Oh, okay then

I think I Figured out how to post without opening the topic ( I don't want any of your grubby little hands in it)

I still can't change my avatar to the one I want. It detects my avatar, it even shows a little picture of it, it's an accepted file format but the message board refuses to change to what I want.

Message Board: I know what I'll do. Instead of just randomly deleting everything AdviceGuy types at regular intervals, I▓ll make sure he can't post any pictures from his hard drive. I'll let him post anything he wants from the internet but as soon as he tries to get something he wants I'll show him that "Yes I can detect exactly what you want me to do but I won't let you change it, would you like to select a library image?"

shadow_syndrome wrote:

I'm going to North Carolina this weekend (leaving Friday morning) for FBLA's Nat. Fall Leadership Conference. I will be unable to access the internet all weekend and will be surrounded by **shudder** productive people! I don't know what to do!

Here's what you should do. The problem seems to be the state the North Carolina. So if you get rid of North Carolina you should be fine. There are many different ways to get rid of a state. I personally prefer the flooding method. First you should be build a giant wall all around North Carolina. Then you should crash a comet into the Geographical center of North Carolina. Now that I think about it this will probably solve all your problems. I personally like to use a Solar Orbit based rail gun to nudge the comet into the proper orbit (Note: if you use a rail gun make sure you have a sufficient capacity capacitater). And viola problem solved.

Black & White

The Realism in today's games amazes. I was playing Black & White. This is a game where you're a deity (I was practicing for real life) and you cast spells and stuff. I made a pile of everburning rocks (It's a cool glithc) and placed it in a clearing in the middle of my village. The people started dancing around the rocks (It's what they do to make rocks magical). Then later they got to close and lite themselves on fire. Then I'm sitting them and I'm amazed at how realistic that is. In real life if there is a burning rock I think real people would set themselves on fire. WOW

Todays topic will be about hobos.

Hobos are a large hairy animal that was once found roaming the United States. They are a migratory animal that constantly travel to new locations in search of food. They seem consume normal food but they scavange little green pieces of paper with pictures of dead people on them. This probably has some ritualistic value. In recent years due to excessive hunting and the damaging effect of a robust economy. They are currently endangered but supriseingly enough the goverment has taken no action.

Hobo's are solitary animals but will band togather during diffucult times. They use markings to identify territoral properties. Due to their constant migrations they do not keep any territory.

Hey everybody I haven't posted in a while but that's okay (See AdviceGuy rule number 8). Today I'm going to post something that I wrote a little while ago. One of my Friends is in FBLA. That stands for future Business Leaders of America. Nobody is sure what they do .

They're not a shadowy government organizations or anything. It's more along the line of the fact that nobody actually does anything. From what i heard from my friend, not one of their decisions has made any actual impact on anything.


Quality AdviceGuy

Dear new FBLA figureheads

Sometime next week I hope have a meeting with all of you. During this meeting we will discuss vaguely relevant aspects of this school. Despite our almost complete lack of influence in just about anything we will still attempt to successfully manage the Technical Center. Please e-mail me at e-mailaddress@provider.com and tell me when a good time for the meeting would be. I really, truly, deeply, care about you and when a convenient time for you would be. Of course I have already picked the meeting time and will inform you approximately five to ten minutes in advance. If you for any reason can▓t come to any of the meetings please contact me and I will take proper actions. I shall come to your house, the hospital or wherever else you might be and repeatedly shot you in the face with a crossbow.

In case you are not aware of my position in the FBLA representation, I am the president. This means that I have absolute power over those in lesser positions. This means that I decide when you live and die, who speaks, what our acts are, and what snacks we have.

I truly believe that despite our lack of influence that we will be able to make a positive difference in our community. All we have to do is get people to listen to us. We will accomplish this by taking hostages and barricading ourselves into the Tech Center. To accomplish this noble and worthy goal we need many things. So as your president I ask you to stock on vital things. We will need weapons, food, movies, weapons, water, ammo, hostages and weapons. Please make sure you bring at least a few of these things. Also, during the hostage negotiation phase of our plan there will be a large brunch.

Our eventual goal is the total overthrow of the cruel despotic control of our shadowy oppressors. We will break the tyrannical yoke of tyranny which is bound to us by our cruel tyrannical tyrants which tyrannically rule over us with a iron tyrannical fist of tyranny. The revolution must continue. Even if you die and your friends and some people you know the revolution still must continue. I will take the most dangerous position of all; I will oversee you and make sure you don▓t screw up (An almost impossible task consider you lot of dunderheads). Long live the revolution! We shall no longer live under their cruel dictatorship but under mine! ceterum censeo Carthaginem delendam esse!( In conclusion, I think that Carthage must be
destroyed)
Sinceraly yours the FBLA dictator


Yeah that's one of my great works.
Anyway I really don't like FBLA. I'm starting a group called FCA. It stands for Future Communists of America. It's going to be for future communists of america. FCA is going to support communism.


Red Winter wrote:

sorry advice guy. fca is already being used for the "Fellowship of Christian Athletes" , you are takeing the name of a christian youth group, fundemental communist had a bit a to say about christianity so here are the reprocussions of takeing the name fca:
1.seas of hate mail demanding that "liberal pinko commies who are brainwashing my children" but hate mail is liqued hate and therefore yopu can swim in it and we all love swimming.
2.the upper-middle class commies and their entire orgiznation at the high school will come after you(sadly this orgizination is probally comprisied by me...but we used to have 2 members"
3.you dont want to argue with marx's ghost you cant win trust me i have tried, he will try to get you to conform to the mannifesto in an attempt to pseude-posess ypu
oooohhhhoooo...i am marx's ghost run you bougwasie capitalist...ooooohhhhhhhhhoooooooo



That would explain a lot. I always thought the people wearing the FCA shirt were fellow communists. Whenever I referred to them as comrade, though, they left with in insulted look. Ah well I'll look elsewhere for comrades.


Babblefish wrote:

*ahem*, I have a question.

If it seemed that everyone around you was blind to an impending threat or possible doom, what would you do.




It's about time somebody asks a halfway decent question. This forum seems to be populated by idiots. Everywhere I look people are asking questions that I can't understand or questions that aren▓t asking for advice or questions typed all in caps or they▓re posted by The Other White Meat

Anyway about what BabbleFishy here should do. The first you need to do is to give me more information. This will allow me to give better advice instead of guessing randomly what your problems is.

Anyway about your actual problem. Here▓s what you do. First you need to create an impending catastrophe. The ways to do this are limitless. You could shift the course of and asteroid so that it will strike earth (See my post about destroying North Carolina). You could contaminate food supplies with spores that will begin activating in a few months. You could sabotage a major bridge. You could get a democrat elected to office. The possibilities are endless.

Then you could predict it. You should get a swirly robe, grow a beard, and get a staff. Then you need to adopt a spooky voice and intone (not just speak) from an area higher that all your listeners (like a park bench or the top of a statue). You need to use phrases like "so it has been foretold, and so shall it be" "you must act now, lest it soon be too late" "Get off my robe!" "There are greater mysteries than these, such as, am I wearing pants beneath this robe?" "Death shall come from (the sky, the ground, the government, me)"

And that is how you properly cause and predict a catastrophe.


This was about the last forum wipe

DOOM APPROACHES

We the moderators have fought a great war. We battle it still and shall battle it forevermore. We fight our sworn enemies who we battle to a standstill. This time however, one of our enemies has breached our defenses and runs rampant throughout the land. Spam corrupts our forums and the battle is difficult. While with are far more powerful than spam the legions of spam seem endless. We have held a moderators council and have decided to unleash our greatest weapon. This weapon shall destroy our enemies and scatter them to the four winds, but the weapon has a great price.

Soon the darkness will engulf us all. The forums approach their destruction but the people move on, oblivious to the impending catastrophe. It approaches steadily and it is almost too late to stop it. Many disasters will occur with The Ending and we must prepare.

The skies shall open up and rain fire upon the ground. The plants will wither and die. The very earth shall be blighted and growing things will no longer grow. Volcanoes will rise forth from the earth and rivers of lava shall destroy cities. The volcanoes shall send forth ash to blot out the sun and the forums shall experience a great chill and then a long freeze. Great monsters, long imprisoned in the earth, shall be set free and will prey upon those unlucky enough to be caught in their path. The oceans shall rage in all their fury and unleash tidal waves upon the land. and the land shall be swept away by the sea. Great winds will form swirls which gain ever increasing strength from the water and shall spin faster and faster until they haves speeds that are a hundred, two hundred, even three hundred times faster than the fastest horse. This winds will destroy cites and sink islands.

I have warned you; prepare yourself to ride out the Great Destruction.

Here's another thing I wrote. It isn't really funny or anything but it is intresting. I started writing it for school as a summary for global warming but then it began to take on this real melodramtic tone. and it really ended in a cresando. It's pretty cool. I hade to write a different real summary after this though.

Global Warming
Global Warming is a major problem in today▓s contemporary environment. As mankind continues its wanton destruction of the Earth▓s environment many undesirable changes occur. Humans still plunge blindly on in their pursuit of progress with nary a thought for the coming consequences.
The humans build their factory and churn out ever increasing amount of goods. They cut down the forest to provide themselves with room to grow. In a very short period of time they have risen to become the rulers of this planet, and yet they still thirst for more. Their factories bring out black smoke to darken the ground, and they smother the sky with gases.
Slowly, ever so slowly the earth becomes almost imperceptibly warmer. The Sun▓s light, the very lifeblood of the planet, steadily trickles onto the Earth. The Earth receives the sunlight and takes what it needs for growth. The rest leaves into the empty void. The natural carbon dioxide and methane make sure that the Sun▓s necessary heat does not leave. What will happen if the amount of carbon dioxide and methane, along with similar gases, increases? As they increase they will keep more of the Sun▓s heat for the earth, the very energy that sustains this planet becomes the thing that shall smother it.
The natural cycles decree that the earth should have a period of chill. The Earth is not at the hottest point in its cycle. Great volcanoes send their ash to dim the sun. Instead the heat builds up. The great ices begin melting and the oceans rise. Areas covered by permafrost begin to melt and will soon release their carbon and further drive the warming of the globe. The currents slow and begin to change and will herald in a great change in the weather. Great hurricanes spawn in the seas, fueled by the fast evaporation of water. The coral reefs, built over ages, begin to collapse as the once-clean water turns to acid as the oceans attempt to absorb the carbon which the Humans have unleashed. Fires burn ever more frequently and release their carbon dioxide into the air.
Humans have begun a great change. The earth grows steadily warmer. They still have a chance to undo what they have done. Will they seize the chance or shall they continue to defile to earth and in the end, assure their own destruction? Time shall tell, but even if this species will fail another will come and perhaps the next shall succeed. The Earth can wait, there are six billion more years until the Sun shall destroy it, the Earth can wait.

The Forerunners wrote:

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What numbers should my parents pick to win the lottery? I was leaning towards the numbers 2, r, 3, 6, and e, but I'm not good at counting. So I need your help. What should I do?

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     The Lottery.  It's what we all want to win.  However you seem to be choosing numbers with a certain amount of randomness.  The should try to make sure you win. 

     Unbeknownst to most people, inside the spinning ball thing from the which "the winning numbers" come out is a ferret.  The trick is to make sure the ferret picks your numbers.  This can be done by bribing the ferret however it is very hard to bribe the ferret and it tends to get vicious if you try. ( I still have the scars from the first time i tried)

     So what you should do is to replace the real ferret with a similar ferret.  The first thing you need to do is to actually see the ferret you are going to replace.  Then you get a ferret from the pet store or the street that looks a lot like that ferret.  Now the training begins, this will take like 6 months.  I hope you don't plan to win the lottery soon

TO BE CONTINUED

Cute Look, Vicious Bite attack style
This is a special tactic that can be highly effective. it involves makeing the Ferret look really cute, like in that one stance where they rise up on their hind legs. Then the ferret leaps forward and attacks the enemies face.

Hostage Neogititon
We're talking about a ferret right. This is probably unneccasary

Escapeisty\Narrow space movement
This is a higly vital skill. One of the cool things about a ferret is that is long, thin, animal. It can easily squirm its way out of various traps and through very narrow spaces. Ferrets are awesome. In fact normal people (people more normal than the people on this forum) use ferrets to run wiring through walls.

Stealth
You should teach your ferret to remain unseen. This will be much easier if you realize your ferret is indeed a ferret. This means it can go normal people can't, like ventilation ducts. It should also be able to climb walls and sneak into small spaces.

Meditation
This is for both you and your ferret. Make sure your ferret can proparly focus it's mind powers and that you can send mental commands to it. Should your ferret master the five elements there is little that can stand in your way.

Ranged and hidden weapons
Teach your ferret the ways of small blades and hidden weapons. This works well with the Cute Look, Vicious Bite style and the Bomb and Fire skill. Make sure to cover the blades in poison. You have to face it, a ferret can carry and throw very large blades
"look at the cute ferret AHHH MY EYE!!!!"



These are most of the skills my pet ferret has. Choose the ones you think most important and learn those.

What did we begin talking about? The lottery? Well any this will get you only a little closer to your goal (you now have a ferret) but it really did nothing about it. Who really cares? Now you've got a really awesome ferret and that is far better than winning the lottery.

In fact I wouldn't give up my ferret for any lottery winning. After all money just can't buy the love and affection a ferret shows for you. Takes long hours of training and bonding. Of course it doesn't hurt that my ferret can rob banks. After all you can only scam the lottery once, but there are a ton of different ways to rob banks.

shadow_syndrome wrote:

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Advice Guy-       I am having a few issues with my ferret.  Whenever I attempt to start arms training (he has already completed unarmed, and excells at many forms of martial arts) he seems to lose interest very quickly.  Unless the weapon happens to be a sword or something of that sort, he simply refuses to learn.  This is the first time he has ever disobeyed me, and in all other aspects he is as loyal and wonderful a ferret as you'll find.  I am considering giving him command of a recently aquired ninja/samurai horde to appease him, but would see if you had any advice to offer.  I am willing to try anything short of physical abuse (he is not only my most trusted compadre, but a beloved pet as well).  My thanks for any help you could offer. 

---

 

       The training of ferrets in the use of weapons can be a diffulcult art.  The most common problem is that you are using human weapons.  Ferrets need ferret weapons.  There are many different weapons you can use.  However I can't reccomond one for you because you are very general with your problems.

     I can however tell you some ones that i like.  The Ferret Cannon(C), this is a cannon that a ferret can easily operate.  It's hard to reload though.  Ferret Bombs(C) .  These are smal explosives that are filled with various grades of explosives.  They are small enough for ferrets to carry on their Ferret Belt(C).  Despite their small size they can destroy vital, delicate componants or to create a distraction (with flash bang).  Small Knives can help but they aren't that neccasery.

shadow_syndrome wrote:

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I am willing to try physical abuse

---

     You Terrible, Terrible person.

Holiday Decorating

        Today I will teach you about wreath making.  This is an excellent holiday decoration that will really show people that you are in the christmas spirit.

       The wreath was invinted by the Celts.  During the winter season many people came visit each other.  A lot of those people are people that you don't want to come to your house. 

       To solve this problem the Norsemen invented the wreath.  They took made the wreath and put it on their door in order to discourage visiting.  Now if somebody knocked on the door it would cut open their hands and they would lie bleeding on the ground.

       This just about solved the problem for the Scots.  Now you can make your own holiday wreath.  First you need a stout circular branch, if you can't find a good branch barbed wire will do almost as well.  Now cover that branch with poison ivy. 

       Make sure that the branch is completly covered.  After this cover the poison ivy with thorns from some kind of thorn bush.  This is an excellent way to get rid of those pesky rosebushes.  Now add the pine needles, glue them in nice and tighly and make sure that they can properly skewer anybodies hand who tries to touch it.

       Now hang it up on your door and cover it with honey.  Not only will this help the plants live longer, it attracts killer bees!

       Now let's test your intelligence.  Look at your hands.  Are they cut and bleeding?  If they are you're a moron.  You should have worn gloves.  Now you're also going to have poison ivy.

     The Above is a picture of a pie.  I like pie.  In fact I'm going to give you a recipe for pie

Le Cake Solidis

1. Find a pan


2. Pour sugar in pan


3. Sample sugar


4. pour more suger


5. Add water


6. add more sugar


7. Add some dough


8. add flour


9. add eggs


10. Add frosting in a careful pattern


11. Stir


12. Turn heat on


13. Stir


14. Keep stirring

       By now it should have solidifed into a solid sugary mass.  Take a chisel and attempt to chip off some pieces.  It might take a while.  Once you manage to chip off a piece just put it in your mouth.    If you manage to eat one piece without getting sugar stroke you can try another.

Well Nobody has asked for advice but I did get this.

TheMightyCheeseQueen wrote:

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i have soem issues yall u said if i have any question as u right well if a tree falls in the forest and no one is round to hear it does it make a sound

---

     That is some teribble grammer.  Grammer is important,(nowhere near as important as English teachers say it is) You should have capitilized the i.  Some is spelled incorrectly. Yall is not proper English, you should change it to a comma in this case or to "all of you" or at the very least to Y'all.  Yall u I'm not sure sure what you mean here, Yall u said if i have any question as u right well This is totally incomprehensible.  This fall far below my lowest standard of grammer because I don't know what you're saying.  Anyway the answer to the question is yes, the tree does make a sound.

TheMightyCheeseQueen wrote:

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There are 5 houses in 5 different colours. In each house lives a person of a different nationality. The 5 owners drink a certain type of beverage, smoke a certain brand of cigar, and keep a certain pet. Using the clues below can you determine who owns the fish? The Brit lives in a red house. The Swede keeps dogs as pets. The Dane drinks tea. The green house is on the immediate left of the white house. The green house owner drinks coffee. The person who smokes Pall Mall rears birds. The owner of the yellow house smokes Dunhill. The man living in the house right in the middle drinks milk. The Norwegian lives in the first house. The man who smokes Blend lives next door to the one who keeps cats. The man who keeps horses lives next door to the man who smokes Dunhill. The owner who smokes Blue Master drinks beer. The German smokes Prince. The Norwegian lives next to the blue house. The man who smokes Blend has a neighbour who drinks water.

---

       I can indead figure out who owns the fish.  In fact I really enjoyed solving this puzzle.  It was composed by Einstein and i think you should try to solve it.  It is a great exercise of the mind.  Here's A link, http://www.ssqq.com/archive/vinlin06.htm, It's some kind of dance Site.  (RedWinter I think you should add this puzzle to the site)

TheMightyCheeseQueen wrote:

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 and finally If you are in a dark room with a candle, a wood stove and a gas lamp. You only have one match, so what do you light first?

---

The Match

Hey everybody I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while. Acutally no I'm not.

Today's topic will be about fire safety.

Fire Safety is very important. This thought came to me today while i was making macoroni and cheese. While I was adding the cheese it suddenly came to me that at high enough temputures pretty much anything is flammable (I beilieve the noble gases are an exceptions).

Well any way I put the half-empty bag of cheese aside, directly onto an open flame (Whoops!). I really have no idea what Kraft puts i their cheese but it sure did light up. It was even more impressive than that time I doused my neighbors cat in kerosone and and lit it on fire. I really have to wonder if something that flammable can truly be good to eat. I'm talking about the the cheese, not the cat.

Well anyway, the cheese lit up and created this massive flame. It was huge! And it also caught my hand on fire. Luckily my hand was in an oven mitt, except it really wasn't so much an oven mitt as a sock with two googly eyes on it. I'm really going to miss that sock. Well I poured water on the fire, except it was boiling water, because i was boiling it, for the Macoroni and Cheese. Fun Fact: Boiling water is always at 100 degrees Celsius. Well my hand got scalded, or it would have except that the ruined mess which is Socky (Socky! Cut down before his time!) managed to protect my hand. Of course my protect i mean that instead of the water hitting my hand and scalding it it hit my hand got absorbed by socky and then kept scalding me for 20 seconds while i was trying to get it off my hand.

Well that kids, is fire safety. It turns out that both Kraft Cheese and Cats doused in kerosone are highly flammable. Don't light either on fire.

Okay, where was I?  Ahh right, the titanium frame.  Anyway you want titanium for its myriad of useful properties.  It's resistant to corrosion, is both stronger and light then steel and ,quite possibly the most important property, it is lustorous.  That means it's shiny!

       So now you've got the frame.  It's got a lot of parts on it that do stuff.  At least I assume they do stuff and they're not just there for no reason.  Well anyway, your frame should look far cooler than this frame, mostly because it's made of titanium.

       I hope everyone realizes that when I said titanium,  I didn't mean pure titanium, I meant a titanium alloy.  I personally prefer a mixture of titanium and platinium along with some trace metals for rigidness.

       Well now you've got your awesome frame.  You should probably paint it.  Blues a cool color, maybe add some designs, like flames or communism symbols or flameing communism symbols.  Just be creative when painting.  Remember that it's going to be an awesome bike.

       Okay so now you've got a cool frame that will support heavy loads (useful if you have a heavy back pack or are morbidly obese).  The next thing we should do is probably the wheels.  This is why the next item on our list will be,  the seat.

       On second thought, it better to change the setup slightly.  Put the propane tank on the seat and make it go directly into the seat.  This way you can have the explosine send you into the air and then maintain thrust.  Also make sure you line the pipe with steel.  Titanium won't work here because it is too porous.

       Well next I suppose we ought to go on to the wheels.  You want to get good wheels and wheel base things.  First off you want the nonrubber part of the wheel.  I think it might be called the steel base.

       You oviobsly want it to be made of titanium.  Titanium is awesome.  You also want a mountain bike steel base.  This will allow you go on mountains, as opposed to say, notmountains.  Anyway, this isn't a Tourre De France bike. You're going to go to mountains and forests and flames.  Its going to be awesome.

     Well now back to the bike.  Look carefully at your steel wheel base.  Is it round?  Most of today's wheels are.  Round wheels are a recent innovation in biking technology that revoltionized bicycleing and made the old, square, wheels obsolete.

     However recent innovations have made triangular wheels.  I personnally go with today's round wheels because the triangle technology really hasn't got many advantages over todays round wheels.

       Once you get the base you need the rubber part.  You can fill it with various things.  You can't fill it with normal air.  Normal air just isn't awesome enough for this bike.  I would reccomend either it be filled with nitrogen or even better would be hydrogen.

       Hydrogen allows the tires to be a lot lighter and reduces teh overall weight of the bike.  Hydrogen is also highly reactive and burns with an invisible flame.  If you do use hydrogen, and i highly reccommend it, get a large hydrogen tank so that you can refill the propane tank with efficent hydrogen (Small hydrogen tanks are hard to get, check the metal to make sure it is not too porus, this is one of the few places you should not use titanium.

     You should probably also add little beads to the wheels, the ones that constantly go clickity-clack clickity-clack clickity-clack clickity-clack clickity-clack clickity-clack clickity-clack clickity-clack clickity-clack clickity-clack clickity-clack clickity-clack clickity-clack clickity-clack clickity-clack clickity-clack clickity-clack clickity-clack clickity-clack clickity-clack clickity-clack clickity-clack all the while that you are riding.  I love those little beads.  Get a lot of them and put them on both wheels. clickity-clack clickity-clack clickity-clack clickity-clack clickity-clack clickity-clack clickity-clack clickity-clack