That's right kiddies! It's a cheap rip-off of Obesity Man! It's.... ANOREXIC BOY!!! (cheers and applause)
Prelude
The scene is anorexic boy's school, approximately 3 1/2 years ago. We see anorexic boy as a slightly overweight teenager.
Young anorexic boy -- Hey bro. What's shakin?
Anorexic boy's friend, Bob the Rocker/Mosher -- Naw, man, it's cool.
Anorexic boy -- What? Ok nevermind... You wanna come over my house for band practice today?
Bob -- Word.
Later that afternoon...
Anorexic boy is alone in his room, watching TV. Suddenly, a radioactive anorexic midget runs into the room, bites anorexic boy's leg, and screams, "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOO BOB, WE GOTS ANOTHER BIGGUN!" and runs away, never to be seen again.
Anorexic boy -- @&$*#*(@&!!!!! &@$*##*&!!! THAT FREAKING HURTS!
As he screams in pain, Anorexic boy begins to feel dizzy and passes out.
1 hour later...
Anorexic boy -- Oh, my leg... Hey, what happened? I feel...underweight... Oh my god! I AM underweight!!! WTF??? Where is Bob? I thought we had band practice today!!!
Anorexic boy gets up, runs out the door of his house, runs into the middle of the street, kneels, tilts his head back to look at the sky dramatically, and screams "What the hell is happening to meeeeeeeeeeeeee?????". As the last echoes of his scream fade out, Anorexic boy is hit by a car.
(Fade to black)
Chapter 1: The Story Begins...
We see Anorexic boy, a criminal of some sort, and some drunkard who is wearing a shirt that says "I love Chuck Norris".
Hardened Criminal -- You shall never survive, Anorexic Boy. You are too thin to possibly over come my MUSCLES (criminal flexes his muscles, which are pretty pathetic)!!! HAHAHA!
Anorexic Boy -- WTF??? Why am I fighting crime? Who the hell is writing this retarded comic?
Chris Johnson, Almighty Editor Of The Comic -- I AM THE AUTHOR OF THIS COMIC, ANOREXIC BOY. YOU SHALL DO AS I SAY, WHETHER IT BE FIGHTING CRIME OR DEFLECYTING OBESITY MAN'S OBESE POWERS, FOR I HAVE CREATED YOU, AND YOU ARE CREATED BY ME, AND I AM THE CREATOR OF YOURSELF.
Anorexic Boy -- Okay, whatever..... Anorexia powers, I summon thee to vanquish mine enemies!
Suddenly, the Hardened Criminal falls over and clutches his rapidly receding waistline.
Hardened Criminal -- NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Bob shall defeat (cough cough) you (cough) yet..... (dies)
Final Fantasy VII victory music plays as Anorexic Boy and the drunkard dance around in circles like complete idiots.
Anorexic Boy -- Well, enough of that. I suppose I should head off to find out why I am a crime fighter, who sent that radioactive anorexic midget after me, and who killed my parents....Wait a minute, my parents aren't dead...Are they???
Anorexic Boy rushes home just in time to see the radioactive midget's older brother, who is very tall and portly, gunning down his parents with his sausage cannon.
Midget's Bro -- HAHAHA! You cannot save them now! Your parents are going to be massively obese! HAHAHA!
The midget's bro runs away and Anorexic Boy stupidly ignores his escape to mourn the loss of his parents' skinnyness.
Anorexic Boy -- Oh No!!! My parents are obese now! All the kids at school will make fun of them and me, and Eric will undoubtedly make up "your mom" jokes about my mom now!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! Ok I'm done. I better go and...umm...avenge their fatness...or something...
To Be Continued...
__________________
"Dear humanity, we regret being alien bastards. We regret coming to Earth. And we most definitely regret that the Corps just blew up our raggedy-ass fleet! (Hoo-Rah!)" -- Sergeant Johnson
Author: SHUTUP. I RAN OUT OF IDEAS. TIME TO GO PLAY MORROWIND... *author shuts off computer and runs off to play Morrowind, leaving AB here to be confused*
AB: Great. At this rate I will never rescue my parents.
Second Author: NOT IF I CAN HELP IT!!!
AB: Who the hell are you?
Second Author: I am Chris's alter ego! I WILL SAVE THE DAY, sweetie!!!
Suddenly rainbows begin to appear in the sky and unicorns run through the streets with elven riders and Skittles TM begin to rain from the sky.
AB: OK, two things. First of all, are you like, Chris's gay side or something? Because you called me sweetie. Second thing. Why Skittles TM?
Second Author: Hey, it's the best I could do, honey. And no, I'm not Chris's gay side, I'm his metrosexual side. Big difference.
AB: WTF??? This sucks. I'm gonna go eat some Skittles TM and then go to sleep. You are a terrible author.
The Second Author cries loudly, "I knew they would hate me!" and runs away.
Third Author: Heheheh....Now I'm in control....
AB: WTF? Two author changes in one comic? Wow... this is stupid. Who are you anyway?
Third Author: CHAOS!!!
The sky turns black and all houses nearby immediately burst into flame. Cars randomly begin driving, even without drivers, and small furry animals run rampant through the streets. People begin screaming loudly for no reason, rhinos begin falling from the sky, and large volcanoes begin to break the surface of the Earth. Multiple thunderstorms begin, tornadoes touch down, disease spreads, Anorexic Boy farts, and the author has a heart attack. ("How many does that make for ya, Bob?" "That thar's a baker's dozen, I believe") He quickly recovers, and, just to add a random touch to it all, Chuck Norris appears in the center of a completely random park and picks a flower.
AB: Yes, that's more like it! Now I have a reason to fight crime! I can save the world!
Third Author: Not really.
The Third Author immediately puts things right. Except for Chuck Norris. He's still standing there.
AB: OK. This is gay. I'm going home.
OMINOUS VOICE: New Objective!!!!! Talk to Chuck Norris----------------INCOMPLETE
AB:..... *falls over for no reason*
To Be Continued...
__________________
"Dear humanity, we regret being alien bastards. We regret coming to Earth. And we most definitely regret that the Corps just blew up our raggedy-ass fleet! (Hoo-Rah!)" -- Sergeant Johnson
A band called OK GO! appears and begins to play a song.
AB: What the heck just happened?!?!?
Citizen 1: I lost my connection. It happens all the time on Xbox Live. Don't worry, we will probably not run into that problem again. Let's Go!
AB: Ok.
Anorexic Boy purchases four blocks of cheese (1 each of cheddar, mozzerella, swiss, and muenster) and four sticks of bratwurst and then exits Wal-Mart.
OMINOUS VOICE:MISSION OBJECTIVE COMPLETE! SCENE CHANGE TIME!
AB: No! You can't do this! I'm the main character! Wait, camera guy! Where is the scene changing to???????
Screen fades to black.
__________________
"Dear humanity, we regret being alien bastards. We regret coming to Earth. And we most definitely regret that the Corps just blew up our raggedy-ass fleet! (Hoo-Rah!)" -- Sergeant Johnson
