Crazy Zen;definition;the name of the comic you are reading Basicall, this is just completely unlinear strips for a good laugh. There is no storyline, the chapters are just to represent different sketches.
Chapter 1
Person-Wow, I just got this shirt! It's so AWESOME!
Another person- Dude, it says, 'My mom bought this for me' on the front.
Person-So what? I'm 43, and that means that everyone knows that I'm old enough to pick out my OWN clothes.
Another Person- 0-0 *walks away*
Person- What? Do YOU want to wear it?!
Another Person- *Begins sprinting away*
-End-
__________________
The bird of hermes is My Name
eating My wings to make Me tame
Guy- Awe don't worry, I can get you one of THOSE for 1992971872 easy payments of $888376199.868287. Just mail to 882992864989188 WashingotMc-FaliionBillington Boulevard. Sorry no CoD's. For individual use only, results may vary.
Customer- *Begins gouging out Guy's eyes with a card-board cut-out of Ronald McDonald*
Guy- And now, a special offer, with your purchase of "Ferrauris unleashed: Director's Cut," we'll send you a book for better gouging techniques.
Customer- *Begins to go for guy's neck*
-This scene has been censored for reasons of extreme violence, beurocracy, and very expensive prescription drugs.
-The End-
-- Edited by Babblefish at 16:50, 2005-11-21
__________________
The bird of hermes is My Name
eating My wings to make Me tame
Dierctor of Human Resources- And as you can see, everyone here is very happy with the new work schedule. (as he says this, a man screaming 'There is none-' flys by the window)
*chluckktch!*
CEO- You're fired.
*Warning, this strip cannot be sued for copyright infringement. All particpants in legal action will be shot in the legs, beat across the face will a crowbar, and be left to bleed to death in a ditch on the side of the road*
-- Edited by Babblefish at 18:22, 2005-11-21
__________________
The bird of hermes is My Name
eating My wings to make Me tame
Chapter 4 Chapter Title: Holy crap, Chris just posted a comic here! And it's not funny! I'm gonna go kill him right now...
Person-Hey, why is your mom just standing there, looking out the window? Other Person-Because she is in shock. Person-Why? Other Person-Because Chris just posted something completely idiotic in Eric's comic strip column! Person-WTF??? *pulls out **RPG launcher and proceeds to launch RPGs at random objects and buildings* --The End-- WARNING: Do not try to make sense of what you just read. If you do, you will be shot. If you survive, you will be shot again. If you still survive, you will be allowed to live so that you may suffer. Then you will be shot again. If you're still reading this, then you have no life whatsoever. Or something. Dang, I'm out of creative ideas. Well, that's all. P.S: Eric, if you regain moderator priviledges, you have permission to delete this post. NOTE: RPG stands for Rocket Propelled Grenade in this context. I am sorry for any misunderstanding I may have caused, although Eric's interpretation of my comic is funnier than mine. I'm going to kill you.
-- Edited by The Forerunners at 08:39, 2005-11-22
__________________
"Dear humanity, we regret being alien bastards. We regret coming to Earth. And we most definitely regret that the Corps just blew up our raggedy-ass fleet! (Hoo-Rah!)" -- Sergeant Johnson
Police Officer-Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say.
hobo-No really! Ask me any question, if I can provide any reasonable answer to it, then I MUST NOT be high.
Police Officer-okay...What's the meaning of life, the universe and everything?
hobo-42.
police officer- Dang! You really aren't high! *uncuffs hobo*
hobo-Toldja! *walks into the middle of the street, gets hit by a bus*
Police officer-Little did he know that I know how to call buses! *starts making a sound you can't possibly hear, but if you own a truck, you should REALLY make sure the emergency brake is on RIGHT NOW*
*A bus, hearing his call, promptly runs over the police officer one-hundred- thousand times*
---No buses, hobos, or marijuana was harmed in the making of this comic. However, a police officer who stupidly decided to use excessive force was run over one-hundred thousand times.
-- Edited by Babblefish at 19:46, 2006-01-09
__________________
The bird of hermes is My Name
eating My wings to make Me tame
"You know, there's no chin behind his beard, only another fist."
"What?"
"Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris."
"... Really?"
"Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent."
"Only 13,000?"
"Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month."
"Dude..."
"Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement."
"Okay, stop-"
"There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris."
"Stop it!"
"Chuck Norris is considered a country and the chief export of Chuck Norris is pain."
"Shut up!"
"Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage now as Red Bull."
"Shut up!"
"Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard."
That is, by far, the best non-image related comic ever.
__________________
"Dear humanity, we regret being alien bastards. We regret coming to Earth. And we most definitely regret that the Corps just blew up our raggedy-ass fleet! (Hoo-Rah!)" -- Sergeant Johnson
Hey man, this is my comic! And by the way, that is NOT original! You got it off that 4q site.
Chapter 6
Suicidal Guy: I'll jump, I WILL JUMP!
Police Officer:Sir, please calm down! We're sending some one up there to talk things over.
Suicidal Guy: *turns around* Hey, are you the guy they sent up to try to talk me out of commiting suicide by trying to psycho-analyze while simaltaneously trying to calm down enough to get down so that I can be put into a sanitarium for acting in such a rash manner and eventually get out about a year later only to marry an abussive wife named Betty and end killing her then commiting suicide by gun so I can't be talked out of it?
Normal Guy:Nope *pushes suicidal guy off the edge*
Suicidal Guy: *Immediately engages in a futile battle with gravity, ending with the crunch of bones*
Normal Guy: (now-homicidal guy) *Gets arrested and is ultimately convicted of second-degree murder*
-----to be continued------
-- Edited by Babblefish at 12:12, 2005-11-22
__________________
The bird of hermes is My Name
eating My wings to make Me tame
Guard: Ummm, Warden. Its seems that a prisonor has escaped.
Warden: Oh really? Great, now I have to make that bagel-wait, WHAT?!
Guard: A prisoner, ehhh-umm.....well, escaped.
Warden: How did he get by our Elite Siameese Guard Kittens?
Guard: He had a unicycle.
Warden: 0-0........Oh ****!!!!!
Guard: Yeah, that's what the Guard Kittens said.
Warden: How did he get one of those????
Warden: He must've snuck it in.
(I know what you might be thinking, and NO. He took it apart and stored the parts in his left nostril, his left ear, and in between the toes on his right foot)
Random civilian:....Darn shoelace why do you mock me?
Citizen Hater: Your shoes hate you.
Random Civilian: No, really, I think its the laces.
Citizen Hater: Oh, wait. You're a civilian.
Random Citizen:.....*is promptly run over a bus*
Citizen Hater: HEY! That's MY job! *Chases bus*
Random Civilian:*Burns shoes and eats the ashes* Hmmmm.....Even though I ate it, the ashes have no effect on me at all because I don't know any alchemy.
Morrowind Fan: HAHA! I have level 59 alchemy. AND I have full glass.
Random Civilian: (now fanboy hater) Darn fanboys.
Morrowind Fanboy: *Uses the Scroll of Icarian Flight and hits the ground and falls over, dead*
-- Edited by Babblefish at 11:56, 2005-12-05
-- Edited by Babblefish at 19:48, 2006-01-09
__________________
The bird of hermes is My Name
eating My wings to make Me tame
Bill: Well, the author decided to make Crazy-Zen less completely random and have some set characters. That and he also is doing this to get some sort of experience in a webcomic-like field.
Ted: How didja know that?
Bill: It says here on this majic 8-ball fortune teller.
Ted:.....cool! Lemme ask what lottery numbers to pick!
Bill: In a sec, first let me check how the apocalypse is coming along.
Bill: Ya know, now that we've been forced here, we might as well do do something.
Ted: Way ahead of ya *break dances*
Bill: Ya know, I heard if you spin like that really fast for 20 minutes, you'll break the space time continium by creating great levels of centripedal force that disperses matter of and around you into energy.
Ted: Really?! *spins freakishly fast for 20 minutes*
Bill: *20 minutes later* No, not really you just get really dizzy and throw up.
And so, George Bush finally found those biological weapons he was ranting about.
-- Edited by Babblefish at 19:50, 2006-01-09
__________________
The bird of hermes is My Name
eating My wings to make Me tame
Bill: Hey, why do you have a knife behind your back?
Ted:........shaving.
Bill: Are you sure you just weren't going to kill me with because I didn't own Halo2 and therefore you thought I didn't like it and that violated some freaked out cult that you were in that worships it?
Bill: Man, the last thing we need is an arrest warrant for either of us. Ted is such an idi-*drools*..................*yep, still droolin'*..........bhleih......humina......aerirrrrrrrrrrrrrr............
Poster of Magic: The Gathering (tm) Radnica set: *glisten*
Ted: You will pay for the misery you have caused me!
Deranker: You have no idea what it's like to be me! Everyone is so much better now! I used to be at the top of the ranks. But it made no difference; I simply couldn't get better! Then these new Halo hot-shots came around and muscled me out of my spot! You can't imagine my grief! The only thing left for me was to take it out on them in the best way I could. You have no idea how many people this has happened to. I know so many once-good players who now have been forced into a life of deranking, and-
Ted: Wait wait wait....you actually know more derankers?
Deranker: Yeah sure, here's a book of their names, adresses, phone numbers, and social security numbers.
Ted:0_0....excellent..-hehehehe-...I don't care for your sob story! You must perish for your crimes!
Deranker: You'll never take me alive! *pulls out grenade*
Ted: Huh? Where'd you get the grenade?
Deranker: I have no idea!!!!! *pulls pin on grenade, throws grenade on floor below him*
Ted: ....this soooooooo figures....
grenade: Man, I don't even get health insurance for this! *explodes*
Ted: *Flies through door that was up-until-recently a wall*
Ted: Well, that was the deranker's grenade, not mine.
Bill: No really, you should run like ****.
Ted: Naw, I've got an alibi; I've been shaving.
Bill: 0-0
Ted: 0-0
Bill: 0-0
Ted: No, really, why are you staring at me?
Bill: I just got a new unhinged deck, and I'm practicing. *puts one hand beind his back and stops talking, begins walking away*
Ted: And he say's I'm the crazy one. Anyway, I'm off to
Cleave the spines of derankers, rend their heads fromtheir necks and paradee around the streets with them as trophies *cleras throat*-....la-lala-lala-lala-la.....*skips off to comit mass murder*
-End
-- Edited by Babblefish at 16:38, 2006-01-11
-- Edited by Babblefish at 16:39, 2006-01-11
__________________
The bird of hermes is My Name
eating My wings to make Me tame
Bill: *stares at smiley sticker while trying to catch a card with both hands behind his back*......I have mastered Unhinged! *floats across the room, cards orbiting around him*
Ted: Holy crap.....oh well, time to listen to Hypnotize.
Bill: Time to go to the Magic tournament!
__________________
The bird of hermes is My Name
eating My wings to make Me tame
