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Post Info TOPIC: The Chronicles of Obesity Man
The Other White Meat


Came from the moo

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Posts: 421
Date: Nov 21, 2005
The Chronicles of Obesity Man
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Its the Chronicles of Obesity Man, back again!!!! These were on the old forum for a while and I'm re-posting them here.


Ok, here we go:


The chronicles of Obesity Man:


 


--Episode 1: Sweet Pancakes of Doom!--


 


Citizen 1: Holy ^%$^&%!!! That building just fell down!


 


Citizen 2: Holy $#%(*@!!! That building just collapsed!


 


Citizen 3: No it didn't, for the 3rd time. The building is fine.


 


Citizens 1 and 2: Oh.


 


Citizen 1: Why should we trust this guy?! He's wearing pants!


 


Citizen 2: True, true, but I'm wearing pants too.


 


Citizen 1: No, those are shorts.


 


Citizen 2: Shorts count as pants. And anyway, Citizen 3 is wearing shorts too.


 


Citizen 1: Who's Citizen 3?


 


Citizen 2: Dude, didn't you read the script?!


 


Citizen 1: Shutup, this is being taped!


 


Citizen 2: Whatever. Shorts count as pants. (slaps Citizen 1)


 


Citizen 1: Thank you sir can I have another.


 


Citizen 2: What is wrong with you, man?! (runs away)


 


 


 


 


 


And here's the next one!!!


--Episode 2: Sweet Jelly Dougnuts of Flame!!!!!!!!--


 


Citizen1: Hey Citizen2. How's it goin?


 


Citizen2: My name is BOB. Say it with me. BOB.


 


Citizen1:BOB. How's that?...But really, have you read the script at all?


 


Citizen2: HOLY %#%@!!!!! HOLY %$#$!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS.....ITS....OBESITY MAN!!!!


 


(heroic music plays)


 


Obesity Man: Scruptious Muffins on FIRE!!!!! I'm hungry! TO THE DOUGHNUT SHOP!!!


 


(Obesity Man shuffles slowly towards the doughnut shop)


 


(Obesity Man stops, burps, then continues shuffling towards the doughnut shop)


 


TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!!!


(Please give me feed-back on how you like these)


 


 


--Episode 2.5: Sweet Jelly Doughnuts of Flame!!!!!!!!...continued--


Obesity Man: Gelatinous Artichokes, I'm at the DOUGHNUT SHOP!!!! DOUGHNUT ME UP, DOUGHNUT SELLER GUY!!!!!!


Citizen 24: Ok, how many times do I have to tell you?! I am a Delectible Pastry Monger. See? (points out his spiffy DPM badge)


Obesity Man: Now THATS spiffy, by Bob.


Citizen 24: Uhh, you mean "by George".


Obesity Man: Did I say "by George"?!


Citizen 24: Well, no...


Obesity Man: Thats right. I didn't. Now give me a doughnut, you Delectible Pastry Monger you.


Citizen 24: Well, I can't.


Obesity Man: Why the toast not?!


Citizen 24: We sell refrigerator magnets here.


Obesity Man: Don't force me to use my amazing OBESE POWERS on you!!


(Obesity Man pulls out a hamburger ominously)


Citizen 24: Uh, yes, I'll get you that doughnut right away....


(Citizen 24 pulls a magnet in the shape of a cow off the wall)


Citizen 24: Uh, well, here you go, then. That'll be $1.50.


(Obesity Man pays and takes the magnet outside)


Obesity Man: *breathes deeply* Ahhh, just like momma used to make.


(Obesity Man crunches into the magnet)



 


 



--Episode Pi(3.14....): Painful Cookies of Pain!!!!!!!--


Citizen 1: Do you know what really grinds my gears? People who use weird expressions.


Citizen 2: Oh no, not you again.


Citizen 1: Oh hey, Citizen 2. Do you know what really grinds my gears? People who don't call people by their real names.


Citizen 2: Umm, yeah.


(Citizen 2 walks away)


Citizen 1: Do you know what really grinds my gears? People who talk to themselves.


(Citizen 200 walks up)


Citizen 200: Kneel before me, small peasant, or you will force me to use my sub-machine gun.


(Citizen 200 pulls a banana out of his trenchcoat then Citizen 1 procedes to kneel to Citizen 200)


Citizen 1: Do you know what really grinds my gears? People who give up without a fight.


Citizen 200: DIE, YOU FIEND!!!!!!!


(Citizen 200 points the banana at Citizen 1 and looks surprised when nothing comes out.)


Citizen 1: You know what really grinds my gears? Wal-Mart.






-- Edited by The Other White Meat at 17:43, 2005-11-28

-- Edited by The Other White Meat at 17:53, 2005-11-28

-- Edited by The Other White Meat at 17:58, 2005-11-28

-- Edited by The Other White Meat at 17:19, 2005-11-29

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Delicious Turkeys of Fury, Obesity Man!!!!!! THE WEBSITE IS ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!!
The Forerunners


Freeman

Status: Offline
Posts: 155
Date: Nov 23, 2005
RE: Bubbling Scallops of Terror!!! Its...
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Lol episode 2.5 is brilliant! keep up the good work, chuck norr-- I mean Josh.
Episode Pi, however, is lacking in obesity. YOU NEED MORE OBESITY!!!

-- Edited by The Forerunners at 23:01, 2005-11-23

__________________
"Dear humanity, we regret being alien bastards. We regret coming to Earth. And we most definitely regret that the Corps just blew up our raggedy-ass fleet! (Hoo-Rah!)" -- Sergeant Johnson
The Other White Meat


Came from the moo

Status: Offline
Posts: 421
Date: Nov 28, 2005
RE: The Chronicles of Obesity Man (these are funny)
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The Chronicles of Obesity Man


--Episode 4: Flaming Pizzachos With a Side of Hydrochloric Acid!!!!!!!!!!--


Citizen 200: MWAHAHAHAH!!!! FOOLISH BEAST!!!!!!!! PREPARE TO EAT LEAD!!!!!!!!


(Citizen 200 feeds a banana to Squirrel 1)


(Squirrel 1 spits it out and lets out some strange squeaking sounds, calling a huge group of squirrels from within the trees)


Citizen 200: Flaming pizzachos with a side of hydrochloric acid!!!!!!! ITS THE LEGION OF THE UNDEAD! I MUST ESCAPE!!!


Squirrels 1-306: Squeak squeak of squeak!! Squeak Obesity Man!!!!!!!!!!!


(heroic music plays)


Obesity Man: Fear not, citizen, I WILL SAVE YOU!


(Obesity Man burps, sending all the squirrels and Citizen 200 into the grocery store 3 blocks away)


Citizen 200: Its hopeles,even Obesity Man cannot face the untold power of the LEGION OF THE UNDEAD!!!....oh wait, I'm at Publix. I need a new rocket launcher, might as well get one.


(Citizen 200 goes into Aisle 3 and grabs a frozen pizza then goes up to the checkout)


Citizen 200: I'd like to buy this rocket launcher.


Checkout Guy: Um....what are you talking about?


Citizen 200: I said, I'd like to buy this rocket launcher. The one that I'm holding. In my hands. Right now.


Checkout Guy: You're holding a frozen pizza.


Citizen 200: ARE YOU BLIND, MAN?! CAN'T YOU TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FOOD PRODUCTS AND HIGH-POWERED WEAPONRY?!


(Checkout Guy wipes the spit off his face)


Checkout Guy: What are you trying to pull?!


Citizen 200: What are YOU trying to pull?! Is this not Publix, the most popular high-powered weaponry dealers in America?!


(Checkout Guy pulls out a microphone)


Checkout Guy: Assistance needed in Checkout 5, assistance needed in Checkout 5.


Citizen 200: Thats it! TIME TO FACE MY AWESOME ROCKET LAUNCHER!!!


(Citizen points the frozen pizza at Checkout Guy)


Citizen 200: FIRE, DARN YOU!!!!!!! FIRE!!!!!!!!!


Police Officer 5: What's the situation here, sir?


Checkout Guy: That id-


Citizen 200: This idiot refuses to sell me this rocket launcher.


Police Officer 2: Rocket...launcher? Haaahahahhaha!!


(The police officers break out in laughter)


Police Officer 5: Its obvious that that's a Model 243 high-powered magnum pistol with dual cheese-drive engines and custom paint options added for your convenience.


Citizen 200: Oh. Right. Thanks, officer.


Police Officer 5: You're quite welcome, son. You're quite welcome.


Checkout Guy: WHAT THE HECK?!



-- Edited by The Other White Meat at 18:33, 2005-11-28

-- Edited by The Other White Meat at 21:28, 2005-11-29

__________________
Delicious Turkeys of Fury, Obesity Man!!!!!! THE WEBSITE IS ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!!
The Other White Meat


Came from the moo

Status: Offline
Posts: 421
Date: Dec 1, 2005
RE: The Chronicles of Obesity Man
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--Episode The-One-After-4: Slimy Spinach Of Extreme Stunts!!!!!--


Citizen 3: Red Socks.


Citizen 2: Red Sox? Aren't they a baseball team?


Citizen 3: No, no, I said red socks.


Citizen 2: Oh.


(Awkward silence ensues for about 3 minutes)


Citizen 2: Yeah, I have some socks.


Citizen 3: Red socks.


Citizen 2: No, actually, I only have white ones.


Citizen 3: WHY, YOU NOSE DRIPPING OF A MIDGET!!!!!!


(Citizen 3 proceeds to beat up Citizen 2)


Citizen 2: *ow* WHERE ARE YOU *ow* OBESITY MAN *ow*?!?!


(Scene switches to a bathroom in McDonald's)


Obesity Man: Ahhhh, McDonalds. Im lovin' it.


(Obesity Man rips a soap dispenser off the wall of the bathroom and starts eating it)


Obesity Man: Those jelly-filled ones are the best...


(Citizen 12 walks in)


Citizen 12: %$#ing addicts....


(Citizen 12 walks out)


 



 



__________________
Delicious Turkeys of Fury, Obesity Man!!!!!! THE WEBSITE IS ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!!
The Other White Meat


Came from the moo

Status: Offline
Posts: 421
Date: Dec 7, 2005
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--Episode 5: Ravenous Pits of Tootsie Rolls!!!!!!!!!!--


Bob: I AM BOB THE SLAYA!!!!!!! PREPARE TO BE SLAYED!!!!!!!!!!......oh no. Not again.


(Bob walks out of the empty field and into the town)


Bob: I AM....forgot my line.


Citizen 1: You're "forgot my line"? Well thats a stupid name. I mean really...


Bob:SHUT UP IM TRYING TO CONCENTRATE!


Citizen 1: Geez, man, calm youself down. Think of the mountains...the ocean.....rocket launchers....whatever calms you down.


Bob: I SAID SHUT UP!!!!!!!


Citizen 1: And I said calm down. Hey look, a piece of grass! Thats amazing! WOW!! A PIECE OF G-


Bob: HEY LOOK GULLIBLE IS WRITTEN ON THE CEILING!!!!!!!!


Citizen 1: But we're outside, theres no-


Bob: JUST KEEP LOOKING AND YOU WILL FIND IT.


Citizen 1: Ok.


(Citizen 1 starts staring at the sky thoughfully. Citizen 12 walks up and looks up too.)


Bob: Now, where was I.....OH YEAH. I AM BOB THE-


(Bob gets muffled out by the hundreds of Citizens trying to see what Citizen 1 is looking at)


(Bob pulls out a giant slab of salami and starts pummeling his way through the crowd)


Bob: FINALLY, I HAVE ESCAPED!!!!!! I AM BOB THE SLAYA!!!!! PREPARE TO BE SLAYED!!!!!!!


Citizens 1, 12, 34, Smith, 98, and 6: SIMMERING FISHSTICKS!!!!!! ITS OBESITY MAN!!!!!!!!


(Rap/polka music starts playing)


Obesity Man: Set it to number 3 on the CD. Not number 2.


(heroic music starts playing)


Obesity Man: Thank you.


Obesity Man: BOB, YOU SHALL NOT SLAY THESE POOR CITIZENS WHILE I'M AROUND!!!


(Bob pulls out a rocket launcher and shoots it at Obesity Man)


Bob:  MUAHAHAHAHAH!!! HAHAHAHHAH!!!!!!!! HAH!!! HA!! hehe....he. Wait...


(Bob notices that the rocket bounced off Obesity Man's stomach and was heading towards him)


*giant BOOOOOOOM sounds*


Obesity Man: A JOB WELL DONE FOR OBESITY MAN.....hey, what are they all looking at?


(Obesity Man starts looking at the sky like the hundreds of citizens)


(Obesity Man farts and destroys two cars, kills three dogs, and sets a lake on fire)



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Delicious Turkeys of Fury, Obesity Man!!!!!! THE WEBSITE IS ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!!
lego_my_mego


Serf

Status: Offline
Posts: 3
Date: Dec 9, 2005
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Do you know what really grinds my gears? people who reply for the wrong thing in the wrong chat box

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You see things and you say Why?; i dream things and i say Why Not?
Asdfghjkl


Master Mage

Status: Offline
Posts: 191
Date: Dec 12, 2005
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This is great keep up the good work!!!

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The Other White Meat


Came from the moo

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Posts: 421
Date: Dec 12, 2005
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Thank u very much VZ. I appreciate it. Ill add a new chronicle every week if u guys didnt know. Speaking of which.....


--Episode 6: Great Scott, This Title Doesn't Include A Food Item!!!!!--


Anorexic Boy: GREAT, just great. NOW im in the wrong comic. Ill probably start saying stupid catch phrases too.


(Anorexic Boy hits his head on a fence repeatedly)


Citizen 1: Hey, who the heck are you?!?!


Anorexic Boy: Hey, weren't you in my last comic?


(Citizen 1 gets a weird expression on his face then runs around in circles yelling "Wallaby" in 3 second intervals)


Anorexic Boy: Wow, even MY comic was better than THIS trash. I mean, who writes this stuff?


(A note falls from the sky into Anorexic Boy's hands that says "I do, stupid.")


Anorexic Boy: Cascading Cheese Cubes of Wonder!!! I still don't know who it is!


Citizen 200: Hey, dude, that catch phrase was REALLY stupid. You need a banana.


(Citizen 200 shoots Anorexic Boy in the foot with a pistol)


Anorexic Boy: Norwegian Chocolates in a Giant Potroast!!!!!!! That hurt and i can't stop saying stupid catch phrases!!!!!!! CURSE YOU, COMIC WRITER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


(Anorexic Boy walks into the middle of the street, throws his head back, yells "Why is this happening to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?!" then gets run over by a tiny duckling which does absolutely nothing)


(Well actually the duckling set off a nuclear time flux which returned Anorexic Boy to his comic, possibly to be seen again)


Citizen 200: NORWEGIAN CHOCOLATES IN A GIANT POTROAST!!! ITS OBESItyy.....oh wait. No its not. Its a tiny duckling that set off a nuclear time flux. Nothing special.



-- Edited by The Other White Meat at 19:37, 2005-12-12

-- Edited by The Other White Meat at 19:39, 2005-12-12

-- Edited by The Other White Meat at 21:50, 2005-12-15

__________________
Delicious Turkeys of Fury, Obesity Man!!!!!! THE WEBSITE IS ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!!
The Forerunners


Freeman

Status: Offline
Posts: 155
Date: Dec 13, 2005
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Thumbs up for cameo appearances from other comics! keep up the good work...or else.

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"Dear humanity, we regret being alien bastards. We regret coming to Earth. And we most definitely regret that the Corps just blew up our raggedy-ass fleet! (Hoo-Rah!)" -- Sergeant Johnson
Asdfghjkl


Master Mage

Status: Offline
Posts: 191
Date: Dec 13, 2005
Permalink   

/clap


Its great!!!



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lego_my_mego


Serf

Status: Offline
Posts: 3
Date: Dec 17, 2005
Permalink   

obesity man is my hero...

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You see things and you say Why?; i dream things and i say Why Not?
i_like_cheese_girly


Villein

Status: Offline
Posts: 14
Date: Dec 17, 2005
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im wit her girly luv ya any way what thew crap is wit takin him out of oner hting man!! im ganna get u i really know where u live lol tlak to ya later

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yoyoyo
GM of Fable


Serf

Status: Offline
Posts: 9
Date: Dec 24, 2005
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Lol. These are HILARIOUS!!! I'm gonna be laughing until Febuary. Lmao. Rofl. Lol. These are not only extremely brilliant, thought out, and hilarious, but there also obesely brilliant, thought out, and hilarious. Go Josh! Keep up the work! And...omg...you've got over 350 posts. /clap /exited /laugh /cheer /salute

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GM of Fable


Serf

Status: Offline
Posts: 9
Date: Dec 24, 2005
Permalink   

I keep on typing emotes but they are not working see.../bored....anyone know whats wrong???


       ...oh wait....this isnt guild wars....man...ive really gotta stop thinking about guild wars because this wasnt a joke until i got done typing:






Hey, welcome to the forums, hope you enjoy your stay! 


Just one thing though, don't reply to yourself; it's in the rules, so you may want to read through those.


Merry Christmas!


-shadow.syndrome 



-- Edited by shadow_syndrome at 20:04, 2005-12-25

-- Edited by shadow_syndrome at 20:05, 2005-12-25

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Asdfghjkl


Master Mage

Status: Offline
Posts: 191
Date: Dec 25, 2005
Permalink   

Wow you just got told
but actually it says dont reply to your own thread not post but it is a good thing to real those rules

-- Edited by Asdfghjkl at 22:01, 2005-12-25

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The Other White Meat


Came from the moo

Status: Offline
Posts: 421
Date: Jan 5, 2006
Permalink   

Ahhhh....its good to be back. Even though the forums have horrible cancer. You guys really need to work on that. Anyway.......


--Episode 7: Have a Fashionably Late Christmas With PIE--


Santa: Look at me, I've got a freakin' BEARD, man!!!!!


(scene switches from the North Pole to a street)


Citizen 67: MERRY CHRISTMAS, LIGHTPOST!!!!!!


*Random Jewish Guy walks up*


Citizen 67: MERRY CHRISTMAS, RANDOM JEWISH GUY!!!!!


Random Jewish Guy: You people sicken me, with your elves and santa, and nuclear weaponry.


Citizen 67: Christmas doesn't involve nuclear weaponry.


Random Jewish Guy: Well Hannukkah does!!


Citizen 67: Really?


Random Jewish Guy: Well, uh, no. HEY LOOK OVER THERE!!!


(Citizen 67 looks to where Random Jewish Guy is pointing and Random Jewish Guy runs away after putting a piece of paper on Citizen 67's back that says "Kick me im Irish")


(Citizen 200 walks up)


Citizen 67: Hey Citi-OWWW u kicked me!


Citizen 200: i h ate u irish people.


Citizen 67: Huh?


Citizen 200: I like rocket launchers.


Citizen 67: Oh. I thought u said-OW! u kicked me again!


Citizen 200: you irish scum can go throw yourselves into a pit of fiery, burning lava and DIE


Citizen 67: What?


Citizen 200: Pants?


Citaizen 67: Huh?


Citizen 200: Pants?


Citizen 67: Huh? What are you talking about?


Citizen 200: KILTS?! KILTS?!


Citizen 67: Ummm....kilts.....ireland?


Citizen 200: AHA!!!! SO YOU ADMIT YOU COME FROM IRELAND, AND THUS YOU ADMIT TO THE VARIOUS OTHER CRIMES ASSOCIATED WITH IRELAND INCLUDING M URDER, SEVER CHICKEN KICKING, AND S UICIDE?!


Citizen 67: uhhh.....uhh....yes? no WAIT WAIT I MEAN NO!!


Citizen 200: SO YOU DO ADMIT TO THOSE CRIMES!!!! YOU BLISTERING SLAB OF CHICKEN FAT! IM GONNA KILL YOU!!!!.....wait i have to inform you of your rights. You have the right to remain silent as I painfully rip out your limbs. Anything you say can and WILL be held against your , mutilated body in court.


Citizen 67: uhh thanks?


Citizen 200: YOUR WELCOME. The subject said "uhh thanks?". This statement will be held against him by being regarded as being related to Christmas and thus it is illegal and immoral towards jews and other subject groups.


Citizen 67: What? Are you a lawyer against me now?


Citizen 200: The man regarded me as a lawyer and clearly h ates all lawyers and wants to k.i ll them thus this statement will be taken as a d eath threat.


Citizen 67:......



-- Edited by The Other White Meat at 18:04, 2006-01-06

-- Edited by The Other White Meat at 12:59, 2006-01-07

-- Edited by The Other White Meat at 13:01, 2006-01-07

-- Edited by The Other White Meat at 13:02, 2006-01-07

__________________
Delicious Turkeys of Fury, Obesity Man!!!!!! THE WEBSITE IS ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!!
i_like_cheese_girly


Villein

Status: Offline
Posts: 14
Date: Feb 14, 2006
Permalink   

dude im Irish

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yoyoyo
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