A long time ago, aliens did invade the Earth. However, Chuck Norris, also known as Master Chief, kicked all of their asses back into outer space. The CN Tower, or Chuck Norris tower, was erected in Toronto to comemmorate this historic ass-kicking.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

A duck's quack doesn't echo. The sole reason for this phenomenon is Chuck Norris. When asked why, he will simply stare at you grimly.

Chuck Norris does not read. He simply stares books down until they give him the information that he needs.

MacGyver can build a plane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris once saw a little child who was dressed up as Chuck Norris going trick or treating. He then proceeded to say, "How dare you impersonate Chuck Norris!" and gave the child a piece of candy. He then gave him another gift -- the gift of a roundhouse kick to the face.

Chuck Norris has slept with everyone's mom at least twice and everyone's dad at least once.

Chuck Norris is also known as Honest Abe.

Chuck Norris cannot spell. This is not because he has failed to learn how; it is merely because he never writes anything. When he wants something written, he puts a pencil and a piece of paper on a table and yells, "Write!" They do so, because they know that if they fail they will face the wrath of Chuck's mighty roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris once fought Obesity Man. When his roundhouse kicks were deflected by Obesity Man's massive amounts of fat, Chuck simply stared at him until his fat melted under his fiery gaze. He then proceeded to walk away, leaving the now-anorexic Obesity Man to die of starvation. He only got about ten feet, however, deciding that it would be best to kill Obesity Man now and not let him die of starvation. He did this not because it was humane, but because his kill count would go up by one if he succeeded, putting him ahead of Vin Diesel and George Washington.